When I first moved to New York I was so excited thinking about all the possibilities. But at some point I lost that excitement and forgot about all the possibilities. I got in a rut. I wanted comfort. I missed the idea of being home and having a sense of familiarity. I allowed myself to focus on everything I didn't have instead of thinking about all the new things I've learned and gained. At this point I've been living in New York for 1 year and 5 months. When I first moved here I was living with family, but by April I moved into an apartment with roommates. That's exactly what I wanted, to be able to live on my own and be independent. But somewhere down the line, I started feeling trapped, stuck, and helpless, like this wasn't my choice. By some unforeseen case of bad luck, my life was doomed to be a hopeless loser living with 3 strangers and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it. I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity thinking woe me, my life is miserable. I want more, and we should always want to do better, but not if we can't ever enjoy where we are currently at. Everything about my move to New York was and is a blessing. I had family who was kind enough to let me live with them, I came up with no job in July and by September I was working two jobs, and now I live in a cute little neighborhood tucked away in Queens only 20 minutes from Manhattan. Today, I went for a jog at a beautiful park close to my house and I thought, "wow, why haven't I done this before?". It's so beautiful and so relaxing and it cost me nothing. New York is an expensive city, but if you really take your time and just enjoy it there are lots of things that are free.

Single Girl Problems

"I want to be in a relationship. I want to be married. I want what I want and I want it now."

Why is it that as single women we get so consumed with wanting a relationship? We serve a God who doesn't lie, and he has promised that he will give us the desires of our heart. Ok, so why am I still single? Psalm 37:4 says,"take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Well, I go to church on Sundays and sometimes even Wednesdays. I volunteer, I read my bible, and I pray. But is my delight really in the Lord, or have I allowed myself to be so consumed with my desires that I've missed the mark? Dictionary.com defines delight as a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment. Synonyms of delight are contentment and satisfaction. So the scripture is basically telling us we should be satisfied with God. That's our part, that's what we have to do. We have to be totally satisfied and content with God and experience a high degree of pleasure and enjoyment. When we really enjoy something we're not thinking about anything else. That's not to say we can't want to be in a relationship. In Genesis 2:18, God says, it's not good for man to be alone, so he wants us to be in a relationship. It was God's idea to create Eve. He will give us the desires of our heart, but we can't get so caught up in receiving our desires, that we forget to delight ourselves in the Lord. We must trust that He knows our heart, He knows what we want, and He has promised to give it to us.

When we're not focused on God, we're not delighted in him, in fact we're probably disappointed in Him. It's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, but we can't let it consume us. We have to trust God's timing. If the right person hasn't come in your life, it's possible there are still things God wants you to do that you haven't done yet. Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." Life is so much bigger than we can sometimes imagine and God has destined you for success. Success is way more than just that relationship we often times get hung up on. He instructs us, "to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and then all these other things will come. Seek God, not the perfect relationship. Seek his way of doing things and then everything else will come. Things will make more sense. We will be wiser and more equipped to deal with the complexities of a relationship.

In God we find peace and happiness. If we delight ourselves in Him that's where we find our purpose and that's where we can see the bigger picture. The scripture says blessings chase me down and I believe the right relationship is a blessing, not the only blessing, but a blessing nonetheless. If we take our rightful position in God we're not chasing the blessings, the blessings are chasing us. *See Deuteronomy 28:1-2*

I was praying and asking God for answers, so I wrote this as a conversation between God and I to help me, but maybe it's something in here to help someone else. So, to those who are reading this, trust God and Be Blessed!

God First

It's easy to be loyal to God when you are struggling or going through something. The real challenge is remaining loyal once things start to look better. The Lord is my shepherd, let me not forget. Let me not be allured by the allusion that I "made it" and no longer need Him. Although things are better, the battle is not over. God is my protection, and many times we are in danger and don't even know it.

Wisdom, I need more and my strength is from the Lord. Psalms 1:1-3 loosely paraphrased says, "Happy are those...who find joy in the law of the Lord and they study it day and night. They are like tress that grow beside a stream...they succeed in everything they do." When I was feeling down, low, and weak this scripture gave me strength. How foolish it would be of me to take my new found strength and forget about the source from which it came. I'm a child of God first, and everything else is second.

Be blessed!

Goal Setting

Today, I set a few goals and I accomplished them. It's not a new concept, but it's just now sinking in. Long-term goals are good, but it's the short-term goals that keep you on track. Setting goals each day, for me makes me feel more productive. Look! I started blogging again. That wasn't my goal, but because I accomplished so much today, I wanted to keep the momentum going. Now, I will set my goals for tomorrow...

Life is an Adventure...

This year I want to continue to tackle on the "impossible," because All things are possible... if you just believe. I believe that! It's something about the beginning of the year that makes everyone hopeful and excited!!! The challenge, however, is keeping that excitement going for the whole entire year. I know we all want so many things. So we all may have several resolutions or goals, whatever you call them. But this year, I decided to only focus on one big thing. I don't want to say what it is yet, but it's really important that I achieve it. Just like David facing Goliath, it's way bigger than me and I don't have a lot of resources, but David was able to defeat Goliath. So I'm hoping I can conquer my own personal giant, and once I do that, then I'll move on to the next one.

See, life is an adventure. Once I put a facebook status saying I want to star in an action movie. But it hit me today, that I am starring in an action movie. Life isn't about playing it safe and just trying to get through the day. Life is way more than that. I don't have life all figured out, but the best movies are those that aren't predictable. Life doesn't just happen we have choices. Some things are out of our control, but we still choose how we handle them. The plot to my life is still being written, and so far there are some pretty interesting story lines.

Something to ponder:
What kind of movie are you starring in?

Failed

I failed the 5 day writing challenge. So much going on, I just forget to write. As I took some time to reflect this morning, (which I rarely get a chance to do) I realized that New York really is "faster" than South Carolina. I can't even really say how. All I can say is it is. Even on a day where there is nothing to do, (which is a lot of days since I only work on weekends) there is a lot going on. So as far as me trying to write...I'm use to having moments of quiet time, time to reflect etc. I know I can get that here, but currently, I'm playing catch up. I'm just trying to catch up and then get ahead.

Post #1 of 5 Day Writing Challenge...

Not having a job can be exausting! I'm not the type of person that sleeps all day. I don't watch a lot of tv. So how do you get through the day?
Well, I went outside and read something inspirational to keep my spirits up, then I walked to the library and started reading a biography about comedian Flip Wilson . I looked for jobs, did a little networking, and now I'm blogging.